Harvest Highway Part 3: Port Williams

My last two posts discussed public farms in Windsor and in the Greenwich/ Wolfville Area.

Continuing on our farm-crawl tour of the Harvest Highway, Blue and I explore Agri-Tourism in Port Williams, Nova Scotia. From the 101, you will take Exit 11. Travel along the Greenwich Connector to Starr's Point Road, turn right and follow the signs.

Gates U-Pick

Of you come at the right time of year, you  will see right away one thing that makes Gates U-pick unique: the sunflowers. Even if you opt for one of the other farms, it is worth a visit to Gates just for the opportunity to photograph your family amidst a sea of yellow.

The sunflowers visible from the road are gorgeous, but these are just the small ones. At the end of the orchard is a second field with even bigger sunflowers!  And these are not just eye-candy, it's a sunflower U-pick. Imagine that! Your wee one gets to yank giant flowers from a garden to her little heart's content, all for only a quarter apiece. The attendant offered a great tip which was to pull them out by the root and place them in a bag. Even though I didn't arrive home for another 5 hours and the sunflowers were in the car, ours still survived the trip.

 

One word of caution: Big yellow flowers generally have bees. While they won't likely bother you with all those big yellow flowers to keep them busy, those with known allergies to bees may want to avoid the sunflowers or bring an auto-injector. If you aren't allergic to bees, I suggest you gather your wits just long enough to stop and have a look at the bees with your child, and talk about how they collect nectar and perform other bee business. It's all part of the learning experience.

Unlike most farms, the hay wagon ride at Gates is optional. It is meant as a tour rather than just a means of transportation. The wagon travels in a loop and deposits visitors back at the parking lot. Once back there, you can get a receptacle for picking apples and then roam the orchards at your own pace.

While Gates offers a modest 20 varieties of apples instead of the 40 or more that some other farms have, the price is a little lower than the competition. It is only $6 for the first 10 lb bag and $5 for subsequent bags. Pears are $5 a bag which is a steal. At the time of our visit, Gates was the only farm that was still offering U-Pick pears. I'm not sure if that was because they have four varieties or because Gates doesn't have the throngs of people coming in and picking the trees clean. 

On top of the great prices, the Gates farmers understand that your children want instant gratification when it comes to delicious fruit, so they boast an all-you-can-eat policy. I'd hazard to say that most folks are going to help themselves no matter what the orchard policy is, but for the sticklers, Gates will give you their blessing. Healthy free munchies... no guilt required. Parents have enough guilt about everything else in parenting, we don't need to add the shame of cowering behind a hay bale with half eaten cores until the farmer goes by.

Munching on the sly. She gets it from me.

Another family picnic ruined by the paparazzi.

This U-pick is sweet and simple and I don't feel like it requires any further embellishment. It's an excellent spot for a picnic or a family outing. And most of all, it's the place to be if your aim is to teach your youngsters something about agriculture. Gates' claim to fame is that they specialize in educational tours, so these are the guys who will gladly answer any questions your children may have come up with in relation to farming. I would go as far as to say that Gates would be one of my top choices for a school or day care field trip. You could even bring some harvest themed books along with you and read them here, under the shade of the trees.

For added fun, if you have kids under 5 they might love this snazzy song by Nancy Stewart: ***Warning: the music will play when you click on the link. Turn your volume down if loud.***  You can download the FREE mp3 to play in the car or, if you're like me and Blue, you can break out into spontaneous song and dance in the middle of the orchard.

Willowbank U-Pick
If you're not tapped out from all that dancing, continue down Starr's Point Road to the loop at the very end and turn right. Follow the signs to Willowbank U-Pick.

We loved Willowbank. This orchard has a drivable loop so you can circle the orchard and park close to where you are picking. If you have been following my blog, you know how much I hate carrying stuff, especially when I usually also end up carrying my slow moving tot.  This is excellent.



And what's more is the price structure. In addition to the slightly above average $8 bag, Willowbank offers a deal of $4 for a 10 lb+ bag of ground apples. It is a dollar less for subsequent bags of either. Since Blue can't reach most of the branches, the majority of her apples end up being from the ground anyway. She doesn't mind collecting them this way. I showed her how to inspect them and she hunts for good ones like she's collecting Easter eggs. Since our bag wasn't completely full, the farmer eyeballed it and charged us a dollar for about 40 apples. It has been a week now, and the remaining apples are still as fresh and unscathed as the tree apples. 

The 3 point inspection process: 1. Check for worm holes 2.Wipe it on your shirt 3.Show Mom.

Willowbank also offers a moderate number of attractions including a hay tunnel, petting zoo, antique museum, hay wagon rides, pumpkin picking, corn maze, picnic and recreation areas, and walking areas with river views. Weekend visitors can get a bracelet for $5 and kids 2 and under are free. I couldn't persuade Blue to try the hay tunnel because it had scary Halloween decorations, but I asked some other parents who raved about how much fun their little ones had in it.

This here's an alpaca.

The petting zoo was a tad underpopulated in relation to the number of people who happened to be in it with us. There were two skittish sheep, two over zealous goats, and one alpaca.  You should Google alpacas before you go because inevitably, someone is bound to ask what the difference is between a llama and an alpaca. If you've spent even 30 seconds on its wikipedia entry you can come out looking like an expert in zoology. Your kids will think you are a genius.  Then you will step in poop.

In addition to the petting zoo animals that don't like being petted (but are fun all the same), there is a white donkey behind an electric wire. This is the only donkey I have ever seen who doesn't look like he's suffering from depression. He had a comical hee-haw that all the kids found entertaining. There was also a pen of turkeys and an enclosure with really cool bunnies. I  believe one was a black Flemish Giant, or just a really big honkin' rabbit. Another one, I think was a spotted Rex, or a freckle bunny, as Blue dubbed it. 

Freckle Bunny

I don't have much else to say about Willowbank but it was my favourite by the end of the day. This will be my first choice next autumn. While I do love a simple apples-only farm for a distraction free learning experience, if I'm going to drive more than an hour I do like to have a little extra something for my daughter when the apple picking is done, and I like that something to be in moderation. Willowbank has just the right number of people, it doesn't have overinflated prices or a herd of over-aggressive goats who eat your hair and pee in your purse. It just has a few nice things, which take up exactly the amount of time and cash that I want to spend in a farm. 

Bee and pear photos provided by Freedigitalphotos.net. courtesy of Toa55 and marin, respectively.

Harvest Highway Part 1: Windsor

Also see Part 2: Greenwich and  Part 3: Port Williams

It’s a shame that in within Halifax, city of trees, there is not a single public orchard to speak of. What this means for our city raised youngsters is that they can develop a disconnect between the food they see every day and its place of origin. Books and family gardens can help, but nothing can compare to seeing with one’s own little eyes the row-upon-row, acre-upon-acre vastness that is food in the making. There’s no better real life sensory experience than feeling the earth with your hands, running (or toddling) between corridors made of fruit trees, hiding in the hollows made by low hanging branches, and being free to pluck fruit right off a plant. You scarcely need words for this learning experience. Your child will observe, “Here is a tree, and here is an apple. I pull it, and I can eat it.” Suddenly, your child realizes, all the picture books weren’t kidding. 

Luckily Haligonians are only a short drive away from the portion of the 101 affectionately known to locals as the Harvest Highway. Around every turn there is a farm so breathtaking that you’ll realize you haven’t seen fields so green and skies so blue since the last time your Windows XP desktop was set to default.

 

But where exactly should you go to treat your tots to some hands-on harvesting? Every farm has its own unique history and character. So on the last weekend in September, Blue and I set out down the 101 on a “farm crawl” to test out seven of the most popular farms open to the public. 

First let’s have a look at the map, just in case these rural zones confuse your GPS. If you are traveling out of Dartmouth, be sure to take Magazine hill to the 101. The Circumferential exit to the 102, as my neighbours discovered as they arrived in Truro, will not take you to the Annapolis Valley.

Our first stops are in Windsor, about 45 minutes away from Halifax. Take Exit 5 toward the Evangeline trail until you get to King Street, or you can take Exit 5A and west down Wentworth Street toward O’Brien, which becomes King Street. We will meander down College Road, 400 to be exact, to Howard Dill’s Farm, home of the Dill’s Atlantic Giant, the world’s largest variety of pumpkin. 

Giant vegetables are the stuff that dreams and fairy tales are made of. Children love giant anything, even if it is a vegetable. From Cinderella’s pumpkin coach, to Jack’s Beanstalk, James and the Giant Peach or Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin, giant food is certain capture your little one’s imagination.

It's exhilarating to choose your perfect future jack-o-lantern from within the grade A selections they have perched upon pumpkin pyramids. Visitors are gently barred from trampling the giant pumpkins gardens by a polite sign and a tiny string fence, so put your little one on your shoulders and he just might catch a glimpse of the next “world’s largest” still incubating. You'll marvel at how these farmers know how to sustain precious life; if you’re lucky you might even spot one of the oldest and most resilient cats who ever pushed his nine-lives to the limit.

At Dill’s you will also find jarred preserves, souvenirs, baked goods and gourds. You can take home your own ottoman sized pumpkin for about $25, or even a giant fifty pound watermelon. “What would I do with a fifty pound watermelon?” you ask. Grab a tarp, a big knife and a handful of spoons. Slice it in two and Bam! The easiest and most fun meal your kids’ mom ever came up with. 

Despite the title, “Giant Pumpkin Farm”; Dill’s is actually a very small farm. There is little more walking required than a trip to the store. You won’t be exhausted, unless of course you get macho and carry one of those giant suckers to your car in one arm, children in the other. Either way it won’t take long, so you might as well head on down the road to complete full the harvest trifecta of pumpkins, apples, and corn.

This time you’ll go back out to King Street (South on the Evangeline trail) and go about 400 metres to get to Highway 14. Turn right and follow the signs to Daniel’s U-Pick (4473 Highway 14, Windsor). It’s practically across the road from Ski Martock.

Daniel's U-Pick with Ski Martock visible in the background.

Daniels U-Pick can be described in two words: simple and scenic. This hidden gem hasn’t got all the bells and whistles that attract tourists to other U-Picks, but what it does have is spectaular panoramic views of the countryside and rolling hills. Instead of displaying admission prices, accepted credit cards or directions for parking, the signage at Daniel’s quaintly touts the merits of apples. “Apples have no cholesterol” says one folksy hand-painted board. “Pesticide Free!” says another, with a smiley faced apple. Adorable. 

It is an authentic experience, unhindered by crowds or distractions, and complete with peck hampers and cider. It’s all about the apples. (And possibly grapes– the signs were perplexing.) And your children can discover the simple joy of picking them. What more is there to say?

There might be grapes (?)

Apples are approximately $1 a pound. Or less when you buy a larger quantity.

A family watches a stunt plane zoom through the great blue sky over Falmouth.

“But the corn!” you say! “What about corn mazes?”  Okay I’ll admit, I do enjoy a good corn maze, from a distance. Daniel’s doesn’t have one. But if you go further down the 14 and turn right onto Sangster Bridge road, follow the signs, and you’ll soon find yourself at Davisons’ Corn Maze (1112 Falmouth Dyke Rd.)  It was not open yet when I got there, but I can tell from the road it has a play structure, picnic tables, cows, and the same gorgeous view of Martock. Someday I hope to give it a more thorough review. 

A beautiful day at Davison's Corn Maze. $5 Admission

You can see that Windsor can stand its own against the more popular Annapolis Valley destinations. And it’s less than an hour away, which is a huge bonus. One could easily make a whole day of it. And yet, Blue and I forged on in our journey, for it was only 10:30 am and we never let a big blue sky go to waste.

Next stop: Greenwich/ Wolfville.

Harvest Highway Part 2: Greenwich/ Wolfville

If you missed my last post, I began explaining how I gave my two year old a crash course in agri-tourism by visiting seven farms along the 101 Highway through Annapolis Valley. The last post discussed Windsor, and in this one we will explore two of the most famous farm hot-spots: Noggins and Elderkins. 

Have a look at the map:

What you will do is follow the 101 Northwest until, like a cheap computer game from the 80's, the highway bumps into a geographical boundary and everybody veers west. Take Exit 11. Take the Greenwich Connecting road and turn left at the lights to get to Noggins Corner Farm. There it is, on the right! You made it.

Noggins

Hot Fries line. Shoulda packed a picnic.

Now, writing about popular attractions always creates a paradox for me. On one hand, Noggins has crowds and all the problems that come with crowds: waiting, parking, the corn stand running out of corn, and other people's kids knocking my kid down.  But on the other hand, finding a massive throng of pumpkin pickers and apple eaters means that, duh, lots of people love Noggins. And you probably will too.

A view of the Orchard

 Noggins is the one-stop shop of farms. They have...ready for it? Corn maze, slides, sandbox, water pumps, photo area, tire mountain, hay bales, rope web, rope maze, washer toss, picnic area, food stands, fresh corn cobs, popcorn, cider, haunted house, pumpkin house, u-pick apples, u-pick pumpkins, u-pick flowers, u-pick herbs,  hay wagon rides, geo-caching, walking trails, a farm market. The view from the orchard is picturesque. And the staff are helpful, friendly and well organized.

Hay Bales

Rope Spider Web

If you have kids age three and older I wouldn't hesitate to recommend Noggins, with a word of advice: Tackle the orchard before you enter the play area. I can't even count the number of parents I heard pleading with their children to leave the Fun Zone Distraction Zone to go have a look at some trees. A corn maze is not the place you want to be when your little monsters are having a ball and trying to elude you. I used to play in corn fields myself as a kid and I can attest that they are super fun and a great family challenge. Especially compared to a potato maze, if there is such a thing.

Corn Maze 2012

Water pumps.

Noggins with toddlers is a different story, given their fickle nature. Even though kids two and under get into the attractions for free, Mom and Dad (or parent and partner, let's be modern) will have to shell out $18.40 for what might amount to the most expensive 20 minutes your child ever spent in a sandbox. The haunted house is too scary. The rope course confounds most little ones- they can go right under the ropes and they can play this game at a bank for free. The tire mountain, rope spiderweb and haystacks are okay if you have a wee climber and can find an opening where there are no big kids to step on your toddler's head. Blue gave the water pumps a try but lacked the height and dexterity to use them, and the slides (made of massive black industrial pipes) are a little terrifying for some.

That leaves the corn maze, which I could go wrong in so many ways I could write a whole post about it.  Think about getting lost, or getting lost holding a 30 lb child who won't stop saying "up," getting lost and your child needing a new diaper or clean clothes and won't stop saying "up," or getting lost while your child ducks in between the corn but you're too big to fit, yet you forge on anyway getting turned around and creating your own crop circles. Better just wander into the corn long enough to take a family photo and then get out and buy a cob for $1.50. Why go into the corn when you can put the corn into you?

 Now what am I forgetting? Oh, the produce picking! See how distracting that fun zone can be? To be honest, I didn't even pick apples or pumpkins here this year because I did it last year, had a blast, and took photos, which I will recycle, and admit to doing so lest you think Blue has a Benjamin Button thing happening.

Oopsy.

There are over fifty varieties of apples here. We ate at least one of each. My favourite was Empire. They also have the "Delicious" varieties, which everyone loves. Other than that your apple picking experience is about on par with the other farms. If it has rained in the last couple days or might rain, bring mud gear. The hay rides are non-optional if you are picking; they bring you down into the orchard. This means that you will be at the mercy of the comings and goings of the wagon. This is a lousy time to have a diaper blow out or muddy pants (especially if you must sit your child on your lap on the way back). So my suggestion is to either bring your little tot's survival kit with you, or else check out one of the other U-picks where you can park adjacent to the orchard.

 Elderkin's

Due east along the Evangeline trail is Elderkin's. It is only a couple minutes from Noggins but is technically in Wolfville, not Greenwich. The store was bustling with visitors and it wasn't difficult to see why. In addition to produce, they also sell soft serve ice cream and delicious home-baked goods. There's a reason for the expression "selling like hot cakes." Baked confections straight from the oven are something worth lining up for. When I made some lame comment like "popular spot, eh?" the smiling employee told me that people come from miles around, especially on weekends, sometimes for the baked beans alone.  So then I had to buy some and see for myself. Not that I got to have much, Blue took one bite and declared, "This is mine."

I sneaked some when she wasn't looking, though, and yes, they delivered. Large kidney beans, not too sweet or too watery- just perfect. And they are served with homemade brown bread. We also sampled some seafood chowder that was just the way I like it- hearty and brothy and full of big chunks of good stuff. Not over thickened with flour or over fattened with cream. And it comes with a homemade bun as well. I also bought some cheesy rolls and some confection items- I couldn't help myself- and it was all fresh and fantastic, everything you want in home-baked goods.

The staff at Elderkin's are wonderful. (Bear in mind, I never tell anyone I'm writing about them, because I want a real customer experience.) When I asked what the chowder was like– I always ask because I've been ripped off by cheap canned stuff too many times– the employees at the cash actually introduced me to the chef who took the time to explain her recipe with a lot of flair and pride. I also had a brief conversation with Aaron, one of the Elderkin Clan, who confidently explained why people keep coming back. "It's been established since 1996," he says. "People know the name now. And they want ice cream and bakery items which they can't get everywhere. And all our recipes are made from scratch with fresh ingredients," he says.

While Elderkin's doesn't have all the attractions that its neighbours offer, this young Elderkin is super cordial about the competition. "We don't have a playground just now," he says, "but they have those things up at Noggins to bring families into the area and that's great. We get families with young children too. There's enough business to go around." He says they may consider adding a play structure in the future. For now, Blue is satisfied to select a pink picnic table from the rainbow of tables and eat her beans in the orchard. We've never had a more picturesque picnic.

And while Elderkin's may not have a slide or a spiderweb, what they do have is over a hundred acres of U-pick pears and apples. They also have a darling little pumpkin patch right beside the road, which is very convenient if you aren't keen on hauling large pumpkins long distances. Bring a bag or a cart though; it's hard to juggle a child and a pumpkin at the same time while crossing a busy road like you're playing Frogger.

Elderkin's Pumpkin Patch

One last thing that I like about Elderkin's is that they have a different price system depending on if your U-Pick bag is opened or closed. So if you choose not to fill your whole 10 lb bag, you will pay only $7 instead of $11 for a bag stuffed to the max. So there is no pressure to jam it full and carry 15lbs or toppling apples around. Parents carry and drop enough stuff as it is.

So between Noggins and Elderkins, my final verdict is this: If you have very young kids that might not be ready for an undertaking as large as Noggins, Elderkin's is your better bet. You can come and go on your own time, you won't have to fork over $9.20 for your kid to eat sand and get trampled, and you can get yourself some ice cream. You deserve it.

If you have adventurous kids who are ready for the fun zone at Noggins, you will have a blast there.  If it's drizzling or damp, even better. Bring a towel, jump in puddles, and have more of the place to yourself. And hey, there's no reason why you can't do both farms. Why not spend the afternoon having lunch and picking herbs and pumpkins at Noggins, then head down the road to Elderkin's for apple picking and a delicious home-baked supper?  That's my definition of a perfect day.

Noggins Market

Next stop: Port Williams

18 Ways Upper Clements Park is better than Disney World

Within a six month span I have had the good fortune to be able to take my two-year-old to both Disney's Magic Kingdom in Florida, and Upper Clements Park in Annapolis Royal, Nova Scotia. And the truth is clear: Upper Clements Park trumps Disney World in almost every category.  Now I'm not saying that the Magic Kingdom didn't have its merits- my daughter enjoyed it and sure, it was meaningful to revisit the amusement park of my youth through her eyes. But when you have a child who is too inexperienced for nostalgia or the hype of hammered-in corporate branding, one can look each excursion a little more objectively. Now to be fair, I should of course say that not all experiences are equal, and lots of people enjoy Disney. But I have been to each park more than a few times, and I feel like I'm being fair and evenhanded because this time in particular the conditions were equal. Both visits were in on a week day in peak season, both in similar weather, shortly after a rain.
Here's the top 18 advantages the local toddler tourist trap has over the packed princess palace.

1. It's local.
No six-day road trips.No flights with crying toddlers with ears popping and schedules disrupted. No early morning departures or late night crying jags from still being on route and exhausted.  No carry-on luggage or stroller checking or wondering what to do about the car seat.  Nope, you just drive there and it's about 2 hours away, which incidentally is about the average length of a toddler nap. 

2. You can park right by the gate. 
Parking's not a big deal, though, right? I mean, you're going to spend the whole day there.  WRONG. Consider this: Anyone with young children knows you never know what you will need to bring. At Upper Clements Park you can just load all your contingency items into the car. If it begins to rain, go get your umbrella. If you don't want to spend money on park food, go back to the car and have a sandwich. Cold? Go get a sweater instead of shelling out thirty bucks at a gift shop. This is one area where Disney is severely lacking.  It took us almost two hours, including one tram ride and one ferry, and two lineups, just to get into the Magic Kindgom from our car. If we accidentally left something in the car, forget it man, it's long gone. Even if you are staying at a hotel and using shuttle service at the Magic Kingdom, it will take a minimum of a half hour, maybe even an hour to get to your hotel and back to where you were in the park.
 

3. No Security Check
Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad they do a bag search at Disney.  I didn't feel at all safe there. There were so many people who all seemed to be so stressed out at the epic largeness that is Disney, I felt like anything could happen. Imagine the ire of parents who were told the teacup ride was broken down after they had waited an hour. I'm glad security removed all their guns and crowbars so the worst they could do was shake their fists or throw their plush Tiggers down in a rage.
Upper Clements Park, on the other hand, feels like a happy, safe place, as does most of the Annapolis Valley. And I didn't have to begin our adventure waiting in line for our bags to be rooted though, looking around at faces going "what's that guy so nervous about?"

4. UCP is MUCH MUCH Cheaper.

Artists' rendition of Disney Offices

Most people spend several thousand dollars getting to Disney and staying in a hotel, buying food and merchandise. We went to Upper Clements Park on a Friday when my husband was able to get in for free with a DND ID, plus a free bracelet for the rides. This saved us about $40. My 2-year-old was free as well. Our grand total to get through the gate was a whopping thirty bucks.  That's probably  less than the cost of a soda at Disney. Our accommodation was a nearby campsite ($28), and our lunch was $20.  We also spent about $40 in gas getting our minivan there and back. Every penny was worth it.


 

5. Nostalgia means nothing to your toddler

Disney meant a lot to you as a child. But so what? Whatever park you take your child to will become the Disney of their youth. Any adult who went to Rainbow Valley or Sandspit or Crystal Palace as a child knows that the magic is in the memories.  If you really want to go to Disney because it meant so  much to you as a child, by all means, go.  But just take a moment to ask yourself if nostalgia alone is worth it, or if you are using the same irrational determination as Chevy Chase trying to get his kids to Wally World.






6. There's no need to travel that far to see an actor in a costume.
So you want to go and meet Cinderella?  Mickey Mouse?  Good luck! I spent months prepping my child to meet Mickey Mouse only to find out that he no longer strolls the grounds for sporadic encounters. You have to get in a looooooong lineup just for a glimpse of some dude in a mouse suit, who will make your kid feel just as special as a pebble on a mountain. It's not like he's the REAL Mickey. Forgive my sacrilege for saying so, but this guy's only real claim to fame is that he might possibly hold the Guinness world record for world's sweatiest jobholder.

Yogi Bear

Now, Upper Clements doesn't appear to have any costumed celebrities to waste your time. However, if you can't do without and you need to sleep somewhere, Yogi Bear's Jellystone Park is less than an hour north-east from Annapolis Royal, and with a little YouTube prepping your young child will be just as excited to see Yogi, BooBoo and Cindy Bear.  In fact, they get to spend personal time with the bears, and can even sign up for a bedtime tuck-in with a bear!  I know it's not Mickey, but once again, without excessive exposure to corporate branding,  your kid doesn't care.
Alternatively, for a fraction of the cost of Disney admission, Nova Scotians are now able to access personal visits from Disney-ish princesses though a company called Fairytale Friends.   As well, you can book Mickey and Minnie Mouse from a rental company called ARO inflatables.  Both will be able to come to a location of your choice and hang out.  How cool is that?  Much better than a long wait for a high five and a hurried autograph.

Disney Princesses and Minnie Mouse steal the show at local birthday parties

7. No 10-hour waits to get on rides.

I'm not even exaggerating. Disney has this so called fast-pass where you put in your gate ticket and it tells you when to come back. We put ours into one at 11 am, and it said to come back at 9 at night.  When we put a ticket into the Space Mountain fast past machine, it just laughed at us. In the almost 12 hours we spent at Disney, we were able to go on FIVE rides. That's a total of  about 15 mintues of riding.
Upper Clements?  I lost track at about 15 rides, and we were only there for 6 hours.

The actual lineup for "Small World" when it was only 30 minutes.

8. Friendly Staff
The faces of the staff at Upper Clements Park just say it all. It was clear that watching children having fun just brought them all immense joy.  They all seemed to have that twinkle- the kind that grandparents get when talking about their grandchildren.  At one point I injured my head (thanks to some kid and wayward golf ball), and minutes later the server in the restaurant was applying ice and giving me ibuprofen from her purse. She explained to me that she worked in healthcare the rest of the year and just worked at the park for fun.  Later a maintenance man summoned a medic who was very apologetic and helpful about the whole situation, and she came to check on me from time to time while I enjoyed the park.
As for Disney, maybe we just hit Disney on a bad day, but I felt like the staff at Disney must be required to have a background in corralling cows into a barn.  Leaving the park was the most challenging part. At one point I almost lost my child in the crowds and ended up being pushed against a soda stand in my effort to retrieve her. Instead of offering to help, a staff member shouted "MA'M! DO YOU INTEND TO PURCHASE A SODA?! NO?!  THEN PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE SODA STAND!!!" ....'Happiest place on earth' my BUTT.

Exiting a Disney Theme Park can be challenging.

9. Mealtime is more sensible.
I know there is no shortage of food at Disney, but the choices seemed a little overwhelming. For efficiency, each restaurant at Disney offers one or two choices, and a person must herd oneself through the stanchion maze to receive one of thousands of identical factory-perfected plates, military style, only to discover there is nowhere to sit. 
Upper Clements Park, I'll admit, has pub grub in their restaurants. But you are permitted to pack a picnic lunch, or you can get a snack from a little stand which sells healthy choices like yogurt or local fruit. Perfect options for little kids. There is plenty of picnic seating, wide open green spaces, and even miniature picnic tables just right for toddlers.
As for mealtime entertainment, at Disney we had to settle for this antique robotic dinosaur which was programmed to tell the same cheesy jokes hour after hour; versus UCP's antique but non-robotic magician who was required to perform the same cheesy magic tricks twice a day. Neither were spectacular in my opinion, but seeing a magic show should be on every kids list of requisite childhood experiences. Ugly mullet-wielding robotic reptilian lounge singers are on nobody's bucket list.

Sonny Eclipse versus Moon the Magician

10. Upper Clements Park is Less exhausting
Even with the monorail you walk about a thousand miles at Disney World just getting from A to B.  We traveled the perimeter of Upper Clements Park twice, and at the end of the day still had enough energy to go to a playground.

11. No Retail Pressure. 
If Disney buildings could talk they would scream at your child, "BUY THIS! BUY THIS! BUY THIS!!!"  You find yourself thinking that you really should buy something to commemorate the day.  After all, you can't just buy Disney stuff anywhere.  Oh... wait.
Upper Clements Park had an unambitious looking folding table with a few generic looking t-shirts. If their walls could talk they would say "If you really want something, well, these didn't fit any of our staff. Maybe you could have one for painting in or wearing to bed."

12. No "Fun-Time" pressure
I can't tell you how many times I heard parents at Disney say something like, "We came ALL THIS WAY and spent ALL THIS MONEY to get here and I'll be damned if I have to waste my time watching you try on  hats!"  Gaaaahhhh shoot me, please.

Upper Clements park encourages a little downtime. Midway through the park you encounter Clementine's cottage. This is essentially a room with some free craft supplies and some books. So we sat down in the middle of all those rides, relaxed, and coloured pictures. And guess what? We still got to go on all the rides we wanted to, some of them twice.

Craft supplies in Clementine's Cottage

13. No closing-time car scramble. 
At the end of the day at Disney world there is a fireworks show. Now don't get me wrong, it's something to behold. Fantastic, even. But what follows it is hundreds of thousands of tired, cranky people stampeding to their vehicles like zombies.
Upper Clements park closes without a bang, just before little tots' bedtime.

14. No meltdowns
I didn't see one single child having a tantrum the whole time we were at Upper Clements Park. I'm just sayin'.

15. Many of the kiddie rides are essentially the same.
At Disney I braved the 90-minute lineup to get my toddler onto a 3-minute Dumbo ride.  She was impressed with it I guess, and asked to go again but I had to tell her "no freakin' way!" In case you are not familiar, this "can't-miss-it"  "once-in-a-lifetime" thrill ride goes around and around, and the child can operate a lever that goes up and down.
For comparison, Upper Clements Park has an airplane ride which, you guessed it, goes around and around, and has a lever that makes it go up and down.  The total wait time for this ride was three minutes, and when we were done, my daughter shouted "again!"  The operator gave me a thumbs up, and up we went for another ride.

Which one is Disney? Only SHE knows for sure.

16. The Disney Princess Castle is an optical illusion.  
It was so huge when I was a kid.  But I now realize that they scaled down the tops of the towers to make it look taller. In reality, I don't even think it would be tall enough to stir up a kerfuffle if someone wanted to plant one on the Halifax waterfront.  And by the way, you can no longer walk through the castle.  All that's in there is a restaurant that you have no hope of getting a reservation for unless you are a make-a-wish kid or a millionaire.

This castle is about as big as my head. BTW, the lady on the left with the mate in the matching shirt looks SO humilated.

17.  Upper Clements Park is NOT a thousand degrees.
I was told by Florida locals that if you go to Disney World in August the crowds aren't bad at all. It's just hotter than liquid hot magma is all.
Upper Clements Park in August was a balmy 25 degrees Celsius, and had nice ocean air coming from the Bay of Fundy.

 

18.  Beer
Walt Disney and his successors have always been extremely cautious about associating their brand with alcohol, and as a result, you won't see a fridge with a lager anywhere in the Magic Kingdom.  Although they relaxed their laws slightly in 2012 to make way for expensive imports in their expensive restaurant, it's not the same as having a cold one on a patio while your kid watches a magic show.  Ah, simple pleasures.




Before you take my advice, remember, it's directed towards parents of young children who are not yet experienced enough to know the difference between a regular park and a hugely over-branded park.  But if you read this and still decide on a trip to the Annapolis Valley please don't put your 10 year old in the car and tell them  you're going somewhere better than Disney World. They will hate you. Instead, tell them you're going to tour a pulp and paper mill or shopping for school shoes or something equally awful. I promise you, they'll make memories that last a lifetime, and other such clichés.